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2009 August » Philoxenos

Philoxenos

When Your Child Does Wrong

25th August 2009

When Your Child Does Wrong

I have been a long time member of Bible Study Fellowship and am so grateful that my children have been attending since the time they were two. The biblical truths that they learn are absolutely right on and I credit BSF with teaching much of the faith that my older kids embrace.

One of the training tools that BSF provides is the Home Training Lesson. It’s affectionately called “The Pink Sheet” and gives practical ways for parents to apply the lessons learned that week. I always keep these and the other day was sorting through papers to decide which ones I would keep. I ended up keeping only a few and this one in particuar was important to me.

I can’t reproduce it for you because of copyrights, but in summary, this is what was covered on the Home Training Lesson entitled “When Your Child Does Wrong”:

 Ask yourself…

Why did my child act this way?
What does he need?
Was my child seeking attention?
Does he want power?
Does he lack confidence?
Is he angry or frustrated?

Make sure your child understands what he did wrong. Did he know the limits before he misbehaved?

Disciplining…

Be prompt
Be consistent
Be just
Be compassionate
Pray
Utlize consequences
Be loving

I’m writing these things out so I can remember them (and then recycle the pink sheet!) and also because I think that lots of moms just don’t know where to start when it comes to disciplining and training their children. Referring to my previous post I know that it’s something that I have to be continually aware of and improving upon.

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25th August 2009

Mommy is the model

A friend wrote on her Facebook this morning about the scene she saw out her front window:

Mother walking 3 kids to school, youngest one screaming (he’s around 3) WHAK! Yank! not good–it’s only day 2! 

I haven’t stopped thinking about it all morning. There are times that I discipline my children when I’m angry and it probably looks a bit similar to what my friend saw - in a hurry, annoyed, just spank and keep walking.  Child doesn’t know exactly why they got a smack, just knows Mommy’s not happy about something. There is no talking about the bad behaviour and what the good behaviour looks like. No praying together, no hugs and kisses and forgiveness.

What am I teaching my kids? I watch them and watch how they interact with each other and I believe that what I’m seeing is the result of what they’re experiencing. And I’m starting to wonder - am I doing the right thing? Surely they shouldn’t be acting like this.

I’ve been spending a lot of time praying about this the last few weeks because I’m seeing behaviour in my children that I am not at all pleased with and I’m trying to figure out how to teach and train them in order to extinguish this behaviour. As I’ve prayed I’ve been reminded of a few things:

  1.  Every person ever born, except for Jesus Christ, is sinful.
  2. Even a 2, 3, or 5 year old, no matter how adorable, is sinful.
  3. Sin is when we choose to do things that are wrong. This can be a thought or action. When my children choose to disobey, they are sinning.
  4. SIN IS A CHOICE.
  5. As their mother and primary caregiver, they are learning how to behave from me. When they hear me yell, they are going to learn that yelling is how we talk to people when we’re upset. When I don’t follow through with something that I say I’m going to do, they learn that they can’t always trust people to do what they say they will do. When I don’t keep my bedroom tidy, they are learning that it’s not so important after all (ouch!!!)

So I know that God works in my children in spite of my failures. But I also know that God has called me to be their mother and they are my primary mission field. I never want my sin to be a barrier to them coming to know God’s extreme love for them.

God, create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me.

posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments

19th August 2009

Friends

Good friends are people that can call us up and invite us to share a meal with them and their parents but then ask that we eat at our house, since it’s bigger.

Good  friends are people that we can have a mild spousal disagreement in front of and not worry about what they’re going to think.

Good friends are people that I can call and invite to dinner on their voicemail and they feel free to call back at 5pm and ask if the offer is still available.

Good friends are people that we can share prayer requests with and know that they will be prayed for.

God is so good to us.

posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

15th August 2009

sometimes it’s a lot of work

Recently my husband took me to task for something: I was acting like a brat. He had every reason to point it out and I knew he was right when he did. It still hurt a little, but only because it was my sin and sin is always painful in the end.

I’ve written previously about the three young ladies that are living with us for the summer. They have been here since 4 July and I can honestly say that the honeymoon is over, for all of us. They are tired of working 12 hrs a day, 6 days a week, going door to door out in the heat trying to sell books. I am tired of finding cups and spoons and tea bags stains on the counter and having to put a robe on before I go out to the living room in the morning. I’m sure that they would love to live in a place that didn’t include screaming children at 7:30am and be able to choose their own breakfast. But this is it for all of us and we’re dealing with it. But as my husband pointed out to me one recent morning, I have got to get over the pettiness of my thoughts and focus on the extreme ministry opportunity that has been presented to us. For 12 weeks these girls will be living with us and for 12 weeks we have the opportunity to show them who Christ is. And every time I gruffly wish them good morning or grumble because they don’t separate the recycling properly (I know, I’m ridiculous. I’m embarassed even to write this down) is that really who I want them to see? I’m not saying that I have to be Polly Peppy in the morning, but I need to be gracious and welcoming.

This being like Jesus stuff is hard work. And I’m finding that the more I work at it, the harder it gets.

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