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2009 March 10 » Philoxenos

Philoxenos

More children?

10th March 2009

More children?

Little Boy, our youngest child, turned 2 yesterday. And part of me is excited because he’s changing every day, growing up, so much fun. And part of me is mourning because he’s my baby that isn’t a baby anymore.

For several months, as Little Boy has been growing older, Handsome and I have been discussing whether or not we would have a fourth child.  Our first two children are 22 months apart and the second and third children are 18 months apart. I have never had a child that is 2 years old without having a baby as well. Many people think that three children is more than enough. For that matter many people thought that two children was more than enough!

In our hearts we know that there is room for more children. The question is -  Will those be biological children or adopted children?

I personally have gone through a transformation in my attitude towards children since I got married. I always knew that I’d have children if God allowed but I thought I’d have a couple, maybe three. Then we had Precious five years ago and I started reevaluating and thought three would be nice. After Cutie was born almost four years ago I started thinking that maybe we should have more than three, maybe we should let God decide how many children we would have. That’s when I knew I was getting into weirdo territory.

We live in a time when most couples choose very carefully when they conceive. If we started allowing God to choose how many kids we’d have, I’d be pregnant every 18 months because you can just call me Fertile Myrtle. We could easily end up with six or more children.  It was during this time that we conceived Little Boy. And I’ll be honest, having three kids in less than four years is not easy. It’s not impossible, but it’s definitely a heap of work and I often feel like my brain not only left the building but also left the state and took up permanent residence elsewhere.

There have been many times in the last two years that I’ve thought - okay, we’re done, that’s it. NO. MORE. But then I will pray about it and I just don’t have peace from God. I don’t believe we’re done. But God has, many times, reminded me of the children in the State of California that are without a permanent home. Children who need love and caring and Jesus. And I cry because I know that what He’s asking us to do is going to be hard. And heart-breaking. And rewarding. And life-changing.

So Handsome and I are praying. At this time I would say that we won’t be having any more biological children but we aren’t prepared to make that a permanent decision. God continues to work on our hearts, softening them towards extending our family through adoption. We would really appreciate your prayers. I think that eventually we may end up as that weird family down the street that has a big family and they’re all different colours too! But that’s okay.

Today was one of those days when I was feeling very weak and depleted. Just spent. While I was at the gym tonight I was listening to Steven Curtis Chapman “His Strength Is Perfect” and the lyrics go like this:

 His strength is perfect when our strength is gone

He’ll carry us when we can’t carry on

Raised in his power the weak become strong

His strength is perfect, His strength is perfect.

So no matter if only have three children, or we have ten children, I know that my strength to get through each day will come from Jesus. So I must, every day, rely on Him.

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