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2009 January 30 » Philoxenos

Philoxenos

Want to feel rich?

30th January 2009

Want to feel rich?

According to my husband the best way is to eat cantaloupe and chocolate krispie cereal.  Not together, of course.

Precious, Little Boy, and I came home from a trip to Sam’s Club yesterday with a big box of cereal with Fruit Loops, Chocolate Krispies, and Apple Jacks. This morning he opened them up and just grinned. And he pretty much grinned the entire time he was eating them.

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30th January 2009

Just another way for me to waste time

Kelly’s post that I read this morning got me thinking about Facebook and so now I’ve pretty much wasted an entire afternoon finding people. Just lurking, not actually asking them to be my friend.It’s a whole other thing to learn.  I don’t think can handle the pressure. I’m going to go clean something and try to redeem the afternoon.

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30th January 2009

Remember when we used to write real letters?

Yesterday I spent some time with my mom out in the garage, clearing out some cupboards. I found three boxes of stuff that I had packed away after finishing college, prior to leaving for Korea. I thought I had cleared out all of my stuff, but this was in a different place from the other things.

I started looking through it and found a large box full of letters.  I used to be a prolific letter writer and as a result got a lot of letters back. This was back around 1995 before most people had email and no one I knew had a cell phone and texting was unheard of. I started reading the letters and oh my! Took me back. Most of the letters are from people that I am no longer in touch with. Some are from people that are no longer living. Some are from boys that I thought were going to change my life :)

As I read the letters I remembered back to those times. I realised that I had a lot of regrets and was ashamed with the way that I treated some people. For some stupid reason I thought I’d try to find some of them so I jumped on the computer and located a few of them. One guy now has a PhD in music performance and has made quite a name for himself as a trombonist. One guy is a structural engineer and his parents still live in the same house here in town. (it’s very hard to find women because they get married and change their names.)

I was talking to a friend this morning, asking her opinion on if I should contact one person in particular to ask for forgiveness. I was selfish and selfish and selfish. I can’t think of another word to describe my behaviour. She asked me what it could possibly achieve, 14 years later. I have asked God for forgiveness and I know he’s forgiven me. Would contacting this person achieve anything? What is my motive?

As I thought about my motive, I realised it centred more around wanting people to think good of me, rather than trying to clear the air, which was 14 years old. After mulling it over a bit more, I’ve decided to just leave the past in the past. If I spend all my time worrying about the past and all the things I’ve done wrong, I won’t be living in the present. I have learned from my mistakes and I pray that I won’t repeat them again.

And my husband saw all the letters, a lot from boys that I had been interested in at some point, and he just chuckled and smiled. That smile that says - aren’t you glad you got me instead?? :) And yes I am. I do not regret for one minute that I married him or that my life has been what it is.

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