Philoxenos

Why do I do this to myself? For some reason I have this insatiable desire to read blogs about people’s lives that are nothing like mine. Not only do they actually post PICTURES on their blogs but the pictures are of beautifully dressed children at colour-coordinated parties with lovely moms wearing HEELS, serving cake in their immaculately decorated homes.

People. That is not me. My daughters dress themselves and have since they were two. They pick out their own clothes and I’m happy for them to do it because it’s one less thing I need to do.  And okay, some days they are not at all colour coordinated. Generally I don’t care, but sometimes, like when I’m comparing my children with others, I do care. And do I even own a pair of heels? No. And yes, I wear Birkenstocks almost every day of the year and I really don’t care what anyone thinks about that. I’ve worn Birkenstocks since I was in college and I love them.

So as I read blogs about cutie-patootie baby showers and uber-decorated homes, I can start to feel bad about myself. Like, somehow, if I were more something I would be able to do all those things too. But the last week or so I have really started to evaluate who I am, what God has placed me here for, what does He want me to accomplish. And you know what? I’m pretty sure that God has not placed me here to have a home worthy of Better Homes and Gardens. And Martha Stewart certainly isn’t going to be coming by for a photo shoot unless it’s for a ‘before’ picture. She may, on the other hand, want some of my recipes

During this whole soul-searching process I am being required to give myself a break. Novel concept, eh? I am not superwoman. I will never be able to achieve perfection here on earth. I must focus on the things that have eternal significance. Right now, that’s my relationships with God, my marriage and my family. Everything else comes farther down the list.

My children will probably never have cutie-patootie birthday parties, but they will have memorable birthdays (thanks to a dear friend that baked Precious a Barbie doll cake this year). My children don’t look like a Gymboree ad, but they do have freedom to be creative in what they wear. My home is not magazine ready, but the door is always open and you don’t even have to call in advance.

My blog has been seriously neglected the last year or so since I joined Facebook. I have found that Facebook allows as much interaction with friends as I desire and somehow I can manage a few three-liners a day but a real blog post just doesn’t seem to happen as quickly on a regular basis. However, FB doesn’t allow me to write more than a short paragraph and sometimes I have more to say than that. So I think that I will try to resurrect my blog, for my own purposes rather than that anyone might actually be reading it anymore.

I will still be on Facebook frequently but hopefully I can get over here a couple times a week and actually write something a bit more meaningful.

I have been a long time member of Bible Study Fellowship and am so grateful that my children have been attending since the time they were two. The biblical truths that they learn are absolutely right on and I credit BSF with teaching much of the faith that my older kids embrace.

One of the training tools that BSF provides is the Home Training Lesson. It’s affectionately called “The Pink Sheet” and gives practical ways for parents to apply the lessons learned that week. I always keep these and the other day was sorting through papers to decide which ones I would keep. I ended up keeping only a few and this one in particuar was important to me.

I can’t reproduce it for you because of copyrights, but in summary, this is what was covered on the Home Training Lesson entitled “When Your Child Does Wrong”:

 Ask yourself…

Why did my child act this way?
What does he need?
Was my child seeking attention?
Does he want power?
Does he lack confidence?
Is he angry or frustrated?

Make sure your child understands what he did wrong. Did he know the limits before he misbehaved?

Disciplining…

Be prompt
Be consistent
Be just
Be compassionate
Pray
Utlize consequences
Be loving

I’m writing these things out so I can remember them (and then recycle the pink sheet!) and also because I think that lots of moms just don’t know where to start when it comes to disciplining and training their children. Referring to my previous post I know that it’s something that I have to be continually aware of and improving upon.

A friend wrote on her Facebook this morning about the scene she saw out her front window:

Mother walking 3 kids to school, youngest one screaming (he’s around 3) WHAK! Yank! not good–it’s only day 2! 

I haven’t stopped thinking about it all morning. There are times that I discipline my children when I’m angry and it probably looks a bit similar to what my friend saw - in a hurry, annoyed, just spank and keep walking.  Child doesn’t know exactly why they got a smack, just knows Mommy’s not happy about something. There is no talking about the bad behaviour and what the good behaviour looks like. No praying together, no hugs and kisses and forgiveness.

What am I teaching my kids? I watch them and watch how they interact with each other and I believe that what I’m seeing is the result of what they’re experiencing. And I’m starting to wonder - am I doing the right thing? Surely they shouldn’t be acting like this.

I’ve been spending a lot of time praying about this the last few weeks because I’m seeing behaviour in my children that I am not at all pleased with and I’m trying to figure out how to teach and train them in order to extinguish this behaviour. As I’ve prayed I’ve been reminded of a few things:

1.  Every person ever born, except for Jesus Christ, is sinful.
2. Even a 2, 3, or 5 year old, no matter how adorable, is sinful.
3. Sin is when we choose to do things that are wrong. This can be a thought or action. When my children choose to disobey, they are sinning.
4. SIN IS A CHOICE.
5. As their mother and primary caregiver, they are learning how to behave from me. When they hear me yell, they are going to learn that yelling is how we talk to people when we’re upset. When I don’t follow through with something that I say I’m going to do, they learn that they can’t always trust people to do what they say they will do. When I don’t keep my bedroom tidy, they are learning that it’s not so important after all (ouch!!!)

So I know that God works in my children in spite of my failures. But I also know that God has called me to be their mother and they are my primary mission field. I never want my sin to be a barrier to them coming to know God’s extreme love for them.

God, create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me.

Good friends are people that can call us up and invite us to share a meal with them and their parents but then ask that we eat at our house, since it’s bigger.

Good  friends are people that we can have a mild spousal disagreement in front of and not worry about what they’re going to think.

Good friends are people that I can call and invite to dinner on their voicemail and they feel free to call back at 5pm and ask if the offer is still available.

Good friends are people that we can share prayer requests with and know that they will be prayed for.

God is so good to us.

Recently my husband took me to task for something: I was acting like a brat. He had every reason to point it out and I knew he was right when he did. It still hurt a little, but only because it was my sin and sin is always painful in the end.

I’ve written previously about the three young ladies that are living with us for the summer. They have been here since 4 July and I can honestly say that the honeymoon is over, for all of us. They are tired of working 12 hrs a day, 6 days a week, going door to door out in the heat trying to sell books. I am tired of finding cups and spoons and tea bags stains on the counter and having to put a robe on before I go out to the living room in the morning. I’m sure that they would love to live in a place that didn’t include screaming children at 7:30am and be able to choose their own breakfast. But this is it for all of us and we’re dealing with it. But as my husband pointed out to me one recent morning, I have got to get over the pettiness of my thoughts and focus on the extreme ministry opportunity that has been presented to us. For 12 weeks these girls will be living with us and for 12 weeks we have the opportunity to show them who Christ is. And every time I gruffly wish them good morning or grumble because they don’t separate the recycling properly (I know, I’m ridiculous. I’m embarassed even to write this down) is that really who I want them to see? I’m not saying that I have to be Polly Peppy in the morning, but I need to be gracious and welcoming.

This being like Jesus stuff is hard work. And I’m finding that the more I work at it, the harder it gets.

I am really enjoying having our guests with us. They are pleasant, easy to talk to, not a bother at all. They leave early in the morning and get home late at night.

This evening I took one of the girls to the supermarket because they needed to buy some food. I asked her what she needed and she said “Chocolate!!” It’s obviously universal And she was so excited to buy real cheese instead of the processed cheese slices that they’ve been eating. When I suggested tuna for a sandwich instead of the bologna they’ve been eating, she got very animated and started dancing around singing “tuna, tuna, tuna”. When you’re far from home it’s the simple things that you miss so much.

When we got home I asked one of the other girls what she missed the most from home and she said “tomato soup.” Really? Tomato soup? I went to the pantry and got out a can of Campbell’s tomato soup and showed it to her. She said yes, that’s what she eats at home. Not Campbell’s of course, but out of a can. She said she loves tomatoes of any variety.

This morning they cycled 50 minutes in order to get to a restaurant for breakfast. It’s part of their company policy that they get away from their residence each morning and have breakfast together before they start their day selling. I believe the purpose is to motivate them which of course helps them sell more. But our area is very suburban so the nearest restaurant is probably three miles away, at least. They were very disheartened by this and not keen to repeat that. I suggested that they pay a little extra each week and I can make sure that they have breakfast. I won’t charge them much, they can have a good breakfast that didn’t cost a lot, and they don’t have to bike so far! Hopefully they take me up on it.

This summer we have the privilege of hosting three university students from Czech Republic. They are here in the States to work and need a place to stay so they are renting our guest room. They just arrived about an hour ago and as we’ve been talking, getting them settled, I realised how quickly I have forgotten what it’s like to be in a new country, trying to figure out things, like how to turn off the ceiling fan or figuring out how to describe a throat lozenge when you don’t actually know that word in English.

It’s going to be a good summer. I’m glad that we’re able to provide them with a place to stay that’s comfortable and safe.

I bought a clipper set today so that I could start giving Little Boy haircuts. Tonight one of the guys in our home group volunteered so that I could practice! One of the other guys, who cuts his own hair, showed me what to do. What fun! I love our small group, such a great group of people.

My long-neglected blog. Poor thing.

We have finished our school year. We basically school year-round but I’m taking it a bit easy in June, particularly until after VBS is finished. Our homeschool group had a end of year celebration and we told Precious that after that evening she would officially be in first grade, which made her very excited. Then Cutie asked what grade she would be in and I decided to say that she is in Pre-K, which is technically the year before kindergarten, which is what she’s doing. We gave them each the present of a new book and I gave Cutie a backpack because she didn’t have one. Precious is looking forward to her first grade year. I’ve explained that she will be doing more work this year because she’s one year older and she’s excited about that.

We start VBS tomorrow and I’m in charge of the music, sort of. So it will be a very busy week. I have to report at 8am each morning and we finish at 12pm. After church this morning I went to Walmart to pick up lots of snacks and easy lunch stuff. I told Handsome that I wasn’t going to be doing any cooking this week, just eating out of the freezer, and he is totally okay with that. VBS is a huge outreach for our church and I know that it’s important in the lives of the kids. I don’t particularly like it, but I know it’s important so it’s one of the things I always volunteer.

Handsome is having his gallbladder removed on Wednesday, which is of course right in the middle of VBS. Great timing huh? Couldn’t be avoided. So he will be off work Wed, Thurs, Fri and will hopefully return to work on Monday. Some good things about this is that we won’t have to share the car since he won’t be able to drive and he’ll actually be home. He’s been working a lot the last two weeks because they’re shifting the offices all around. He said he’s looking forward to having surgery so he can take a break!

And some crazy news is that we’re going to be hosting three university girls for the summer. Two of them are from the Czech Republic and the other is from Russia. They are here in the US to work and needed a place to stay. They will move in 4th of July weekend. It’s kind of funny because we have been praying since we got this house that we would have people staying in our guest room and so far we’ve only had visitors for a few weeks. When the opportunity presented itself to have these girls stay with us I thought - huh, well, I guess this is God’s way of answering! So please be praying that we’ll have a chance to share the Gospel with them, but particularly that we’ll be able to show them who Jesus is through our actions and attitudes.

I suppose that’s all for now. I need to take a nap while I can because we have home group tonight here at our place.